I didn’t wash my face for five days after my grandmother died. Not because I was trying to be gross about it, but because grief is this weird fog where even standing at the sink feels like climbing a mountain. If you’re reading this during one of those seasons (or you know one is coming), I want you to know that your skincare routine doesn’t have to be all or nothing right now. In fact, it shouldn’t be.
The thing about grief is that it doesn’t care about your ten-step routine. It doesn’t care that you just bought that new serum or that you promised yourself you’d finally be consistent. And honestly? That’s okay. What matters right now is finding the tiniest anchors that help you feel human, even when everything feels impossible.
Why Routines Actually Help (Even When They Feel Pointless)
Before we get into the how, let’s talk about the why, because understanding this made a huge difference for me. When you’re grieving, your brain is basically running on emergency mode. Everything feels heavy, decisions feel impossible, and motivation is basically non-existent.
Having even a tiny routine gives your brain something it doesn’t have to think about. According to dermatologists, simple skincare rituals can provide structure and a sense of control when everything else feels chaotic. It’s not about the products or getting perfect skin. It’s about creating these small moments of normalcy in a time when nothing feels normal.
Plus (and this is the science-y part that I find weirdly comforting), doing something caring for yourself triggers the release of serotonin and dopamine. Those are your brain’s “I did a thing and it was good” chemicals. Even two minutes at the sink can give you that tiny boost.
The Bare Minimum That Still Counts
Real talk: if all you can manage is splashing water on your face and putting on moisturizer, you’re doing enough. I mean it. That counts. That’s skincare.
But if you want something to aim for on the days when you have a little more energy, here’s my grief-friendly routine:
Morning (or whenever you wake up, time is fake right now):
- Splash with water or use a gentle cleanser
- Moisturizer
- SPF if you’re leaving the house (and skipping it if you’re not is fine)
Night (or before you crash, whenever that is):
- Gentle cleanser (especially if you wore anything on your face)
- Moisturizer
- That’s literally it
Notice what’s not on this list? Actives. Acids. Retinol. Anything that requires thinking or commitment. Your skin is probably already stressed (grief does that, cortisol messes with everything including your skin barrier), so the last thing you need is to add potentially irritating products into the mix.
Be Gentle With Yourself (I Cannot Stress This Enough)
You’re going to have days where you don’t do anything for your skin. Days where you sleep in yesterday’s makeup. Days where the thought of standing upright feels like too much. And I need you to hear me when I say: that’s part of this. You’re not failing. You’re grieving.
Self-care during grief isn’t about maintaining your usual standards. It’s about lowering the bar so much that you can actually step over it. Think of it less like “skincare routine” and more like “small acts of kindness toward yourself.”
Some days, that act of kindness is a full routine. Some days, it’s using a micellar water pad while lying in bed because you can’t make it to the bathroom. Both are valid. Both count.
Products That Make It Easier
When you’re running on empty, convenience is everything. Here are some swaps that helped me actually do something instead of nothing:
Micellar water: Keep it by your bed with some cotton pads. You can literally cleanse your face without getting up. No rinsing required.
Fragrance-free everything: Your nervous system is already overwhelmed. Strong scents can be too much. Stick with gentle, unscented products.
Thick moisturizer: Something that does the heavy lifting so you don’t have to layer multiple products. CeraVe Moisturizing Cream, Vanicream, or whatever drugstore option you have sitting around.
Cleansing balm: If you only do one step, make it a cleansing balm at night. It removes everything (makeup, sunscreen, the weight of the day) and moisturizes at the same time.
The Anchor Effect
Something kind of magical happens when you commit to even the smallest routine during hard times. That two-minute face wash becomes an anchor point in days that otherwise blur together.
I noticed this most clearly about two weeks into my grief fog. I couldn’t tell you what day it was or what I’d eaten, but I could tell you that I’d washed my face that morning. It was this tiny thread of normalcy that I could hold onto.
Psychologists call this “behavioral activation,” which is basically the idea that doing small positive actions can help improve your mood even when you don’t feel like doing them. You don’t have to feel motivated to do it. You just have to do it, and sometimes the feeling catches up later.
What To Do About Grief Skin
Okay, so grief skin is a thing. The stress, the crying, the not sleeping, the possibly forgetting to drink water for three days (just me?), it all shows up on your face. Here’s what you might notice and what to do about it:
Dryness and dullness: Totally normal when you’re stressed and probably dehydrated. Focus on moisturizer and try to drink some water when you remember. Your skin’s barrier is compromised right now, so keeping things simple and hydrating is key.
Breakouts: Stress hormones increase oil production. Don’t freak out and start using a bunch of acne products. Stick with gentle cleansing and let your skin regulate itself. The breakouts will calm down when your cortisol does.
Puffiness (especially around eyes): Crying does that. Cold compresses help if you have the energy. If not, just let it be what it is. No one expects you to look fresh right now.
Sensitivity and redness: Your skin barrier is probably compromised. Avoid anything harsh, fragrance, or active. Just cleanser and moisturizer until things calm down.
When Someone You Love Is Grieving
If you’re reading this to help someone else, first of all, you’re a good friend. Here are some things that actually help:
- Drop off a care package with gentle skincare basics (nothing complicated)
- Don’t tell them they need to “take better care of themselves,” they know, and they can’t right now
- If you’re close enough, offer to do a face mask together (the company matters more than the mask)
- Check in without expecting them to respond
Grief is lonely enough without people making you feel bad about not maintaining your routines.
Permission To Let It Go
I want to end with something that might sound counterintuitive for a skincare blog: you have full permission to not do any of this. If skincare feels like too much right now, that’s okay. Your skin will recover. It’s resilient like that.
The only thing I’d gently suggest is keeping some moisturizer nearby. Not because you have to use it, but because when you do have a moment of “maybe I’ll try today,” you want it to be easy. Remove every barrier between you and that tiny act of self-care.
Grief doesn’t have a timeline, and neither does getting back to your routine. Some people find comfort in their skincare immediately. For others, it takes weeks or months to feel ready. Both are normal. You’re normal.
Take what you need from this. Leave what doesn’t serve you. And please, please be gentle with yourself. You’re doing something incredibly hard right now, and whether or not you wash your face tonight doesn’t change that. You’re allowed to just survive for a while. Your skin (and your ten-step routine) will be there when you’re ready.